Week seven

So this past week has been challenging with regards to my personal change project. It was that time of the month for me, midterm exams/projects are starting up, my placements are kicking into high gear, and Bret (my boyfriend) has been stressed out about work. Keeping all of this in mind, I was still able to stop myself from complaining about these little things MANY times. The complaints did slip out a couple times, namely when I was also over-tired, but I was really able to hold myself back a lot. The other girls in the grad program are starting to feel the midterm pressure too, I think, so I was also able to try out getting them to think in a more positive way. This seemed to help them feel a little less stressed about the situation and to take steps to improve it.

Also, I was very nervous about Bret and I both being stressed about school and work at the same time, but we have both handled it very well so far. Usually, in times like this, I might take out my stress on him which would make him be less supportive and, in turn, make me more upset. Instead, we have both acknowledged our stress and heavy workloads and have set aside time for us to do work together and time for us to relax together, so we're really helping each other get through this, which is great! I definitely give a lot of credit to this project for that, because there were a few times I wanted to nag him about different things, but I stopped myself!

Week six

I have continued to benefit from a decrease in complaining, though it does become harder with the cold weather (something I often complain about). Since I am able to pretty effectively control my own complaining at this point, I would like to really start trying to give other people perspective when they are complaining about something. This will be difficult because I don't want to come off as judgmental - sometimes people need to get things off their chest and I don't really have the right to take that opportunity away. So, I will try to focus on the smaller things that people complain about - such as mondays or the weather.

There is a big thing I've noticed as a result of trying to live in the present (not complaining about the past or future and just living moment by moment). I don't generally feel the sense of time moving too slowly or quickly, which is something people tend to say they experience. I often hear "this week is going by so slowly" or "the weekends go by too quickly" etc. I also often hear "wow, it's october already?!?" Since I have been consciously trying to live moment by moment and just take everything in stride, I feel like time moves as it is supposed to. For example, someone exclaimed that it was already halfway through the month on October 15th! So, when I then thought about it, I realized it actually felt like two weeks had gone by since October 1st - it legitimately FELT like the middle of the month! I remember always thinking last year that the middle of the month meant that it was almost the end of the month. That seems so silly now that I realize the middle is just that - the middle! It's not the end and it's still a good week or so from being close to the end. It's just a really cool feeling that time is moving just the way it's supposed to - so I don't feel like I'm being rushed through anything and I don't feel like anything is dragging on - it's just right!

Week five

This blog is on par with football season...I just realized that! haha

This week I want to talk about complaining in relationships. I have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now, and we have been living together since this past August. Now, while we generally get along great, we have butted heads on more than one occasion. Most often, our problems stem from me wanting to plan ahead and him wanting to take things day by day. Just this past weekend, we had a disagreement stemming from this. Instead of lashing out and complaining to him about it like I normally would, I walked away and thought about it. When there's a disagreement, generally one person wants something one way and the other wants it another way. So, in order to come up with a solution, one person may have to sacrifice. I often fight to the death in these situations so that I don't have to sacrifice...or I do sacrifice, but I don't let it go for the rest of the day. This weekend I tried a different approach - sacrificing/being a little more lenient on my end and getting over it more quickly so we could go on with our day. It felt so much better! In the past, I knew complaining about it never made it better, but I guess I just wanted him to feel guilty. This weekend, he probably still felt a little guilty, but he also felt thankful and I got major girlfriend points (he's taking me out to dinner next weekend). Besides this weekend, I have been able to stop myself from little complaints or nagging in my relationship, and I feel I have really reaped the benefits. Even though we've had the big change of living together the past few months, our relationship has never been better. And on those days where he does something that bothers me or is not that considerate, I am still able to think about how great he is all the other days. No one can be perfect all the time!

Week four

I made a revelation this past week about why it has been difficult for me to keep track of my complaint-stopping. I haven't clearly defined what it means to me to "stop myself from complaining about something." I was initially thinking that I would count the times I was able to basically stop the words from coming out of my mouth as it's about to happen. I have had trouble tracking my progress on this because, generally, I am able to stop myself long before this. For example, my boyfriend and I both go to separate gyms and work out regularly. I often share my gym experiences with him, and this sometimes includes complaining about something that happened at the gym. I usually think of things to tell him while I'm actually working out, so when I think of something negative, and the thought crosses my mind to share this with him later, I tell myself right then that it's unnecessary complaining. I haven't been thinking to count instances like this before, which is why it has been difficult for me to keep track! So, I will now be including these into my count. For the past week, I have counted three different days where I've stopped myself from complaining once. I believe it has been more than that, but I still need to modify my record-keeping strategies.

Also, focusing my efforts on eliminating negative thoughts has made me notice other people's negative thoughts much more! I am completely shocked by the amount of people who complain about Mondays and the amount of people who say, on Monday, that they can't wait for the next weekend! If we live only enjoying the weekends, I feel like it significantly shortens our lives!